LIVING IN FEAR


I just read the news about a man who shot about 20 students before shooting himself at a Montreal college early this afternoon. Apparently, this man just barged in to the cafeteria and started shooting at the students, at random. Imagine yourself being on that same place at that time. Aren't you thankful you were not?

On my way home, I was thinking about it and for a moment I felt fear creep in. What if, suddenly, someone fires a gun, randomly, in the station or while I am in the train? I happen to pass through the busiest subway station in Toronto every working day during rush hours, and memories of two colleagues at IRRI came into mind -- their daughter, a lawyer, was shot by a mentally-deranged man while waiting for a train somewhere in New York. I prayed it wouldn't happen to me. It's not because I am afraid to die, but because I feel that this is not the right time yet. I have responsibilities to my mom, and I don't feel comfortable leaving her to my siblings' care. Honestly, one of the reasons why I chose to work earlier than our usual business hours is because somewhere behind my mind, I've convinced myself that it's safer that way. Terrorists usually strikes at peak hours -- when people are going to work or on their way home.

I wish I don't have to feel this way. I wish people are God-fearing and would never think of hurting other people and would only have love in their hearts. If that is true, I wouldn't have to worry about my family especially my nephews and my nieces, who for me, are still very young and don't deserve to experience cruelty and fear from the unknown, ever! I keep thinking of the bomb that went off in Manila on December 30th in 2001 where children died or were badly hurt. What if one of my nephews were there? What if one of my nieces were there? Do children still deserve to be born with the world at its current situation?

I can only pray that God will protect and take care of them, every moment of their lives.